Hit with TMI? Tell them you'd rather MYOB

Have you been a recipient of details you would rather not hear, sometimes known as TMI, or too much information?

You know it when you hear it: the gory details of your co-worker's medical procedure, the prowess of your cubicle mate's significant other, your secretary's no-good spouse. Or are you the one who leads the soap-opera life, spewing intimate and personal facts of the drama you live to everyone within hearing distance?

It is a good idea to get along with your co-workers and establish good relationships. But when it comes to sharing details about our personal lives, some particulars are better left out.

There is a fine line between being conversational and revealing too much. The more you draw other people into your private life, the more vulnerable you become as the subject of office gossip. When you give your workmates information that puts you in a negative light, they will use it to feel better about themselves. Repeating the stories around the water cooler will give them increased feelings of self-worth.

TMI also includes using your bloodline, political connections and your son's perfect college entrance exam scores to impress. There is no bigger turnoff than trying to boost yourself in other's eyes with irrelevant and boorish facts. It is a sign of personal insecurity.

What you say around the office can be used against you, especially if it is about your relationships with co-workers. If you have an issue with your boss, talk to your boss. Don't complain to your work buddy that your boss is giving you too much work or is too demanding.

If you didn't get the raise you wanted, keep it to yourself. Telling anyone your negative opinions about other people in the company is dangerous. Chances are it will be repeated.

Don't say anything you wouldn't sign your name to.

Establish boundaries.

Watch what you say.

Yes, you can have friends at work, but your relationship and topics of conversation must be somewhat guarded. You can discuss projects and ideas with them: a book you are reading, the World Series, holiday shopping.

Don't tell them about your personal problems. These include your personal relationships, medical conditions and financial situation. Share this information with your trusted friends outside the office.

If someone is sharing more than you want to hear, stop him in his tracks. Say, "I'm uncomfortable hearing the details. I hope the tests come back negative." Or "I'm glad this new relationship is working out for you, but I don't need to hear everything."

If the information you are hearing is about a co-worker, say, "I'm not the one to whom you should be talking about this. Why don't you speak to him directly?" Not all information should be shared. TMI can lead to AFT, or asking for trouble.

Corby O'Connor writes about business etiquette. This article appeared in the October 19, 2003 edition of the Star Ledger. Corby O'Connor can be reached by e-mail at etiquette@corbyoconnor.com or 163 Fells Road, Suite B, Essex Fells, N.J. 07021. You can visit her Web site at www.corbyoconnor.com.